reflection

I lost it, I actually lost the most important thing to me, I lost my routine, I lost my happiness, I lost my hope, I lost the idea of my future! Some people can't understand how one person can mean so much to you.. I could you 1000001 reasons why this person meant so much to me, maybe even a few more! I don't really know what to do with myself, so much has already changed, and so much will keep on changing.. and I don't think I'm ready to face it yet.. would it be unacceptable to hide away just until it's easier.. I never thought of myself as a coward.. but right now, my morals and pride are the least of my worries! I want the pain to go.. I want the tears to stop.. I want to smile and not feel guilty.. I want to stop torturing myself.. I want to have a million questions answered.. and feel relief when I do.. I want to look into a crystal ball and wonder where I'l be.. will I be happy, will time be a healer.. will all that advice everyone gave me.. actually be true.. or will it simply be just words..

I just want.. everything to be okay.. but the unfortunate thing is.. all I've known for months is him to be there when I'm sad.. for him to be there when I need a cuddle to make everything okay.. and now.. well.. he's not.. and I don't think I'm strong enough to do this by myself..

I need hope.. thats all I want.. a small dose of hope.. to make me smile.. and mean it.

Peace out!!

xx