moving on

Moving on.. for the better.. at last :)

Couldnt be happier

Peace out
xxx

Thoughts

I never knew my mind could get so confused, I never knew my mind could be filled with so many thoughts. It's weird actually, not knowing what you're capable of! These last few days have been a blur, but a lovely blur.. strange isn't it. How one day can put the hope back in your mind.. well atleast thats what I think ive got.. like I said im v.v.v.v confused.

Why cant they do a book, which answers your questions.. any questions you have which you need an aswer to.. I really would buy that.. now that is something i'd invest in.

Peace out
xx

This morning.

Was terrible..

Too much to take in..

I don't think I can do this..

I need to go away..

Everything's turned to shit..

incredibly disappointed..

Okay, so i've finally had to come to terms with the fact I'm single.. but MY GOD.. how fucking insensitive can someone be.... to RUB IT AND FLAUNT it in my face, that he's single and I'm not with him anymore. All I was doing, was try to be a friend 'which is what we both wanted' and he treats his 'FRIEND' like that, basically saying ' hahaha in your face loser' your single and alone and I've moved on and I love it.

I never thought someone would deliberately try and break your heart more than they've already done!


I'm just so disappointed, thats the difference between me and him, I could've gone out, found a lovely handsome guy and done the exact same to spite him.. did I.. NO, because I respect him and would never deliberately hurt him.. EVER.. not even after everything thats happened..

I thought so much more of him, and.. I'm completely let down..

feeling more alone than ever.

Right, I'm going to down a bottle of vodka and eat my weight in food..

peace out xx

Let down

why.. after all they've put you through.. all they've done.. all they've said.. ALL of which was heartbreaking.. why do you put all your faith in someone.. for them to let you down!!

IM OUTRAGED.. I wish I was more thick skinned, and didn't care so much.. I just wish I didn't put my faith in people, because I knew this would happen, I gave everything I could.. and get NOTHING in return..

To top off the worst week of my entire year.. this happens..

I just hate feeling like this.. so so so so Angry.

Peace out.
xx

Too many thoughts..

Okay.. How do I feel..?? Kinda numb.. Kinda not really real.. is that odd?

I thought I was so much stronger than this.. had so much inner strength to support myself.. I've dug deeper and deeper and it's not ANYWHERE..

If I could turn back the clocks, I wouldn't change everything, I guess i'd just prepare myself for this.. but thats SILLY.. because no one can prepare you for this!!

I guess i'm just rambling on this thing now, I'm not talking sense, but it helps, it helps to talk to someone who can't talk back.. can't tell me their bit.. can't tell me the things they think I need to hear!

I just miss him, I miss everything, every tiny little thing..

is that so wrong?

Peace out

xx

reflection

I lost it, I actually lost the most important thing to me, I lost my routine, I lost my happiness, I lost my hope, I lost the idea of my future! Some people can't understand how one person can mean so much to you.. I could you 1000001 reasons why this person meant so much to me, maybe even a few more! I don't really know what to do with myself, so much has already changed, and so much will keep on changing.. and I don't think I'm ready to face it yet.. would it be unacceptable to hide away just until it's easier.. I never thought of myself as a coward.. but right now, my morals and pride are the least of my worries! I want the pain to go.. I want the tears to stop.. I want to smile and not feel guilty.. I want to stop torturing myself.. I want to have a million questions answered.. and feel relief when I do.. I want to look into a crystal ball and wonder where I'l be.. will I be happy, will time be a healer.. will all that advice everyone gave me.. actually be true.. or will it simply be just words..

I just want.. everything to be okay.. but the unfortunate thing is.. all I've known for months is him to be there when I'm sad.. for him to be there when I need a cuddle to make everything okay.. and now.. well.. he's not.. and I don't think I'm strong enough to do this by myself..

I need hope.. thats all I want.. a small dose of hope.. to make me smile.. and mean it.

Peace out!!

xx

Routine.

Routines.. they are there for.. organisation.. to know what you're doing, know where you stand, they're a part of everyone's day! So.. what happens, when one day, your biggest routine, changes? Mine did, and it was hard, it stil is.. and I think when you're so used to something and then it suddenly changes, it will be odd.. HOWEVER.. I do think that this will open so many more doors for us, it will make us realise whats important.. Yes it's weird not to have the same routine in my day anymore, but it is awful.. definitely not. I guess, it'l calm down, and a new routine will be formed, one thats comfortable and content, well.. atleast I hope so!

I'm off home for a few days
Peace out xx

alot to take in.

wow.. if someone said to me yesterday, you could posssibly loose the most important thing to you, I would've shot down they're words.. but the fact is.. I almost did.
It was hard, upsetting, challenging, eye opening, draining, but I think we're ready to turn over a new leaf and make everything thats important worthwhile.. I'm incredibly scared.. still.. but I trust and love him, so he'l take away that fear and make me see the light. Sometimes when you think there's a light at the end of the dark tunnel you're in, it can sometimes just be a train coming to hit you where it hurts. Is that too.. 'the glass is half empty'?

Well it is now late, and tomorrow is a new day, I'm ready to face it, I'm ready to challenge any hurdles and obstacles.. because I am a fighter, I will fight and defend the most important things I love in my life.. thats who I am.

Peace out xx

Freshers been and gone

Okay, so I never thought i'd be the one to start a blog, but I love a good rant and sometimes the blank page is the best listener (it doesnt talk back) Just started uni, am I surprised/wary/nervous.. not anymore, but emotions are flying all over the place. I'm 18, I don't know how to control them fully yet, so for now.. I am rather on edge!
Freshers week has been and gone, I had a great time, I should have taken advantage more.. but too late to change it now, I guess I missed home and missed him, so I wasn't afraid to come home and miss a few days, because seeing him was the best I felt all week.
Already made some amazing galpals, who are utterly lovely and we've had endless heart to hearts already over hot chocolate and jim jams! So, on that note, I enjoyed it very much.
But now, ive got more hurdles to over come, im scared, im worried, im ALOT of things, but only time will tell and.. well.. Ive got time, that I DO have..

Heading home to halls soon,
Peace out!

xx